Right Choice For a Life Partner

The Lord God s The Lord God s aid, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him" (Genesis 2:18) For every male, there is a matching female partner. The two matching halves bring about a complete unit. Therefore, a life partner is the matching piece that brings about that unity and fulfillment. 

 "So the Lord God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep. God then took one of his ribs and closed up the place with flesh. He made a woman from the rib and brought her to the man. And Adam said, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife. And they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:21-24)

A life partner is someone that should bring out the best in you. A life partner is that special person with whom you look forward to sharing the rest of your life. St. Peter describes this partnership as being "heirs together in the gracious gift of life." (1 Peter 3:7) The book of Proverbs tells us that a wife is a gift of God which is to be cherished: "He who finds a wife finds that which is good. She is a gift from the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22)

I would like to encourage young men and women to answer the following questions on their own before talking to their future mate about marriage. The purpose is to test their motives in choosing a life partner. These questions must be answered faithfully, honestly and sincerely, preferably using pen and paper.

1.      How well do I understand my goals and aims in life?

2.      What is my personality? What are my likes and dislikes, interests and experiences?

3.      How well do I understand the nature of the marriage covenant?

4.      How well do I understand what married life involves?

5.      What is love? How well do I understand love?

6.      What qualities should I look for in my life partner?

7.      Do I really know the difference between 'love' and 'like'?

8.      Do I love the whole person?

9.      What is the spiritual life of my proposed partner like?

10.  What are my real reasons for choosing this person?

11.  Who influenced me to choose this person?

Young people today do not seem to know how to properly select a mate. A right choice of partner can be made with answers to the questions above. Most of the young people are led by wrong motives and reasons.

Watch out for wrong motives!

The following are some of the wrong motives and influences that affect young people in their choices of life partners.

1.       Parental pressure: In Indian culture, parents often influence their children to get married even before they are ready - spiritually, mentally, physically and financially.

2.     Group pressures: Young men are pressurised by their friends to choose a life partner. He may be the youngest in the group and therefore is not ready for marriage. Group mentality or thinking is often misleading. One should enter into marriage as an individual who has carefully considered the choice he has made for a mate. Remember, the two will spend the rest of their lives together. You have to make the decision - not your friends.

3.     Social position: There are people who think that marriage will place them in a better social position. They choose a mate, therefore, that will give them greater respect and honour in their community. This is a very wrong reason for marriage.

4.     Immaturity: A lack of spiritual maturity often leads young people to make the wrong choice of life partners. Some young people make the mistake of thinking that marriage will bring them spirituality and maturity. They wrongly believe that once they are married all their problems will be solved.

5.     Fears of loss: Sometimes, a young man is lead to make a hasty choice of life partner because he is afraid of losing a certain girl. Without much delay he may begin to regret his choice. Don't be pushed into making a decision before God's time.

6.     Emotion: Another mistake that often leads young people to make a wrong choice is a ready rush of emotion. This happens when a young man happens to see a beautiful girl and quickly develops dreamy feelings for her, which are not based on true love.

7.     Sexual desire: Wrong ideas about the sexual relationship between a husband and a wife cause many to make improper choice of life partners. Marriage must be seen as something more than sex. Sex could be compared to the spark plug in a car. It is necessary but it is not the whole engine. Sex is essential, but not the sum total of marriage. Young people should learn to love the whole person, not just their bodies.  

It is also important to remember that lust is not love. Lust is defined as "a strong desire for personal gratification, an over-mastering desire." No young man should make a choice of a life partner because he or she is lusting after sexual satisfaction.

8.       Flirtation: Young people should avoid flirtation. When a young man flirts, there is a danger of misleading the other person. I have seen a boy flirting with a girl, giving her a false idea that he loves her. The girl responds in good faith by developing genuine feelings of love towards him. After some time when the boy realizes that the girl is really in love with him, he feels it his duty to marry her because he wants to avoid hurting her. Sympathy should not be the criterion for marriage. It would be nobler for the boy to apologize to the girl and break off the relationship as peacefully as possible. Otherwise both of them may be dragged to lifetime misery.

9.                   Financial gain: The reason for choosing a life partner should not be for financial gain orprofessional status, money and position. The relationship will soon become bondage. Comfort and status do not always make a happy marriage.

10.              Right motivation:

"All of man's ways seem right and good to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord" (Proverbs 16:2)

Right Choice For a Life Partner

We will consider some principles, which will help young people to make a right choice for a life partner.

1.       Divine Purpose: Youth should have a good basic knowledge of God's purpose for a Christian marriage. The parents and the Church should provide proper teaching that will equip young people for making a correct choice of a mate.

2.       Christian mate: One's future mate should be a born again Christian. Then only they can walk, talk and grow together in the Lord. This is of primary importance in choosing a life partner.

3.       Maturity: Gaining a certain growth in maturity - spiritually, emotionally, physically and financially - is very essential for taking proper decision in choosing a mate. It takes time to develop this maturity. Hence, one should not rush carelessly into choosing a life partner and getting married.

4.       Inner beauty: When you are searching for a life partner, look for inner qualities more than outer or physical qualities. Inner beauty is far more durable than physical features which will fade after many years. Inner qualities like hospitality, kindness, love, contentment and simplicity must be preferred.

5.       Personal choice: Although marriage is a communal affair in the Indian society, young people should make their own choices of life partners on an individual basis taking care to maintain positive cultural ties.

6.       Know oneself: To make a correct choice of a life partner, a young person should first know himself. It is only then that he will be able to determine what will be suitable and good for him in marriage. You must discover your likes and dislikes, your values and goals, your strengths and weaknesses, your ambitions and dreams, your spiritual experiences, your needs, moods and shortcomings. You must know and appreciate your cultural background. And above all else your calling in God.